Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Dreaded Hollywood Sequel Strikes Back

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse in terms on Hollywood and their ability to milk just about anything for a sequel... I bring you this list of movies that are scheduled for release in the next few years. *shudder*

Jurassic Park 4: Yes... as if the third movie in this franchise wasn't awful enough. It looks like they managed to secure most of the original cast, though. I wonder if Dr. Grant will be able to beat off those dinos with his Zimmer Frame.

Indiana Jones 5: I see this one will also star Harrison Ford. I have a title suggestion. Indiana Jones and the Aging Action Hero.

Austin Powers 4: Ok... what? I bet they are going to make Austin travel into the future this time around. Watch this space!

Cloverfield Sequel: This was easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen and they want to make a sequel??? Why would they do this? Who actually thinks this one is a good idea?

Get Smart 2: I didn't even finish watching the first film. Steve Carrell is a moron. Anne Hathaway could do so much better.

Enchanted 2: I can guess the plot of this one! Something evil will stand in the way of Amy Adams and McDreamy's perfect marriage! But, never fear, good will conquer over evil.

Zoolander 2: Head. Desk. Head. Desk. Head. Desk. The original movie is TOO OLD to have a sequel! Ben Stiller is TOO OLD to be a male model.

Top Gun 2: OH MY GAWD... I get to see Maverick again? Surely my eyes deceive me. Or not. I didn't think they would ever touch this one. I was wrong. What is next, Cocktail? I see America watching the fabulous sequels I make...

Bridget Jones' Baby: This one sounds fascinating. I can't wait to see Bridget moan about being fat and dumpy during her pregnancy.

And there you have it. Be afraid, be very, very afraid...